Pengajaran Nabi Musa dan Tongkat

One not so fine day aku mengeluh pada ayah tentang hati dan perasaan aku dalam email yang sangat panjang. Hehe.

Tentang masa lalu yang berat untuk ditanggung dan kebenaran yang pahit untuk ditelan.
Ayah menceritakan pada aku, pengajaran disebalik kisah Nabi Musa as dengan tongkat baginda. Pengajaran yang hebat, yang aku cuba jadikan  pegangan dan sebahagian dari prinsip hidup aku sekarang.

....

Nabi Musa sering berjalan membawa tongkat ditangannya. Tongkat tersebut membawa bermacam kemudahan dalam urusan hidupnya.

Monologue 2

Sometimes watching a movie inspires you. The characters in it, how they fought hard to achieve their dreams, how they really wanted it, harnessed so much energy from their life to it. Amidst hanging out and living the road taken carefree with families and friends. Laughing and crying and just loving it and everything.

From the major things for an Academy of Arts students, wanting to make it to the stage, dedicated to it, practicing till late night everyday with the dance moves, memorizing scripts etc...To the minor constitutive qualities of a normal living person who respect elders, cares for friends, put others first, tries hard to please the grandfather walaupun character atuk dia unreasonably garang dan banyak songehnya. (Haha rightt the heroin dalam ni sangat cute. And i always fail to recall nama dorang lol)

Orang dalam movie tu pun sangat sibuk dengan life dia. Ada vision dan sedang berusaha. Kita dengan life kita? Buang masa tengok movie. Cop bukan movie. Tapi drama. 15 jam punya drama.

Drama bukan drama apa. Drama yang mampu buat kita nangis gelak senyum gembira terharu walaupun bertentangan emosi sebenar kita. Drama yang mampu indoctrine values dalam diri kita, consciously or subsconciously, good or bad, semua kita 'ter'telan. Gee hebat kan effect drama2 ni.

Semestinya, the people behind the drama pun must have worked hard in coming up with such jugak. Real life people yang menjayakan the drama tu pasti juga sedang sibuk dan berusaha dengan life diorang, buat movie/drama, scripting, acting, shooting, producing.

Their life, their goal, their work is to entertain. And see how they're really good and exceptionally creative at it? They came out with the drama, make money from it, gain lotsa popularity. Got what they wanted. Congratulations and good job for them !

Right. Everyone may have and attain and become profoundly successful basically at anything they wish for in life. No matter what. You may conquer them all. It only takes you to WANT. IT. WORK. HARD. FOR. IT. Just really fight and sacrifice yourself, time and energy, develop the skills for making it happen.

Now where or when is the 'congratulations and good job!' for you?

Seriously. Get a life.

And stop acting like a loser.

Belajar. Belajar. Belajar. Orang walau takde agama hebat dengan field diorang. Because they really usaha. Man jadda wajada. Allah bagi. Orang beragama diuji dan terlalai. Malu membawa title 'orang solat' dengan habit dan tendency macam ni.

Kalau ada kat malaysia with the privilige high speed internet, tv pun malas nak tengok. Kat sini? Confusee -.-'

Hmm macam mana nak 'get busy'? Like really busy with our priorities and betul2 istiqamah.

Tahu tak each of those words in those books will be answers to the questions people will ask you? Answers that will solve people's problems. Answers you will need to help people. Answers that will constitute your judgements and actions masa practical years nanti?

Ilmu tu farhah. Seriously bukan pasal tak nak cari ilmu, tak amal, tapi tak sayang ilmu tu lah rugi seruginya!

Pheuw.

Exam ni. Jangan banyak berangan dan jiwang. Please.

....

Hikmah.

Terkejut jugak.

Tiba2 bukak notification phone. Nampak nama and gambar yang 'ganjil' tapi 'diketahui' tu.

'Deena Makayla likes your photo on instagram'

Bukak2, hilang pulak noti tu.

So it was accidentally liked and quickly unliked.
Stalk aku la tu. Hahah takde maknanyaa.

I know i kept my instagram unprivate.

Oh well.

Terus aku cite kat syera. Syera pulak tetiba nak tengok gambo diorang.

Aku pun cakap lah nama fb dia. Admit it! We gossip, we stalk, SOMETIMES. Of course at most other times we should be having better things to do!

Hmm.

Hati aku?

Biasa je. ALHAMDULILLAH.

Dah lama aku rasa macam ni. Sikit sikit tambah tambah jadi bukit. Lama2 makin neutral. Makin redha. Makin rasa tenang je tengok dia bahagia. Yup dia. Dia whose caused you so much pain in the past.

Time passes and we progressively change to be different persons in our own different worlds. Dia jumpa orang yang sesuai dengan jiwa dia. Aku? Aku pun harap aku jumpa that other half of me. Being a weak lalang, i need orang yang berilmu dan tegas berpandukan ilmu. Yang boleh memimpin, menjadi guru buat aku. Whom i get to look up to and give in with utter obedience and love.

......

Yang paling best sekali, tengok kat profile dia, dia sibuk post pasal agama Islam. (Walaupun byk jugak embarrassing posts yang merepek. Excused)
:'))

InsyaAllah. Allah betul2 dengar doa aku dalam senyap.

Ever been to a situation where you're persistently asking explicitly, what is the hikmah? And knowing it as THE fact, settles your heart, over the lots of losts and regrets.

To be a part of someone's journey to Islam, his minor twitches of awakening, at least the little tiny bits of it, is okay to compare to all the 'misfortune' and mistakes i made in my life.

I still remember that day, i taught him the syahadah. How he was 'pelat'ly repeating after me. I was myself not a good practicing muslim though.
I even got 'practicer' after the tormentual heart wrecked episode of my life ! This type of unfortunity is what leads me closer to My Lord, i would conclude.

Ayah pun, he accepts that period of time of his first daughter's ultimate rebellion, baring utter dissappointment and grief all because of her, as something 'essential' that Allah has planned out, even 'bad' in its essence, but its for the best, for me.
I guess.

.....

And theyre planning to get married.

Aww. Thats beautiful ! Ending a relationship with the lots of struggles and turmoils finally with marriage is really a wonderful thing.

And for the couples with--if i can say--a 'morally distorted' relationship from the religious point of concern, having to make it through until that grand day, it feels to me like Allah's giving you the chance to fix yourselves and repent and move on with one another perhaps this time in a blessed way.

Cuz everyone wishes and wants to be married, with the person theyre standing next to. But we can hope a lot, plan alot, cry a lot, but we'll never know for sure, who is it really gonna be for us. Whose name Allah has written for us years before we ever existed. And to those who ended the mystery and succeeded, congratulations!

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And for those whose plans dont go as they wish...

Ya Allah.

Allah knows best. Kene betul2 belajar didik diri untuk berserah.

And most importantly not to give it all out on something as obscure as this. Itu la sebab, budak sekolah jangan sibuk dok gewe! Lelaki dengan perempuan kene ada batas pergaulan. Jangan sampai ada penglibatan perasaan yang tak tahu adalah berbaloi atau tak. Hati manusia berubah2. The situations and circumstances pun berubah. Tak stabil. Rugi jika dilaburkan saham untuknya.

Nasihat for the present and future time.

.....

For the past. Oh well.

'Experiences are bought with losts. So no lost is ever a lost'

-quoted from twitter-

Time is a really great healer.

InsyaAllah.