Bila dalam hati tak ada Allah. Hati terus jadi kosong. Bila hati kosong, benda lain datang nak penuhkan. and yang lain selain dari Allah itu, mengotorkan.
oh dear heart, you're feeling so vulnerable and clinging, you're at your weakest point. nothing will ever feel right. maybe i could eat that scrumptious tiramisu dalam fridge sambil watch a thrilling funny mat salleh movies or layan tengok romantic korean series. maybe i can call up a few friends for a chill. or spend on things i like. maybe i can just enjoy a relaxing soundless sleep. but you know what, to think of it, it all doesn't seem fulfilling to me.
people barely understand--they hurt you, movies end--and you still have real life to face, materials degrade--you'll lose interest, food ends up as feces down your anus, segala apa lah yang menyeronokkan sangat tu mampu membahagiakan hanya SEKEJAP. and you will never feel enough, thus you get enslaved. how low and helpless humans are. FREE BUT IMPRISONED.
it's just like when you have Allah you have everything, so when you lose Allah, you have nothing. that wondrous peace He puts inside your heart, when your day starts at 2 am prostrating in tahajjud, glorifying your Lord in acknowledgement of His existence, crying your heart out, spilling them out in the silent night. one on one with Him, surrendering and feeling heard and accepted in an embrace. and then each move you take feels light, each decision feels right, the greatest of things are a treasure, the hardest are pleasure. empowered in grace and might. its victory subhanAllah. a victory unfortunately you always fail to hold on to for so long.
..........
you know one thing about myself. i'm not a big fan of vacationing/sightseeing/holidaying or any sort. i don't know it's like, by the end of the day i just wanna get back to the hotel room, in the room i just wanted to lie on my comfy bed home, and finally at home there's this massive laundry to settle -.- harhar.
you can roam to spain, england, where ever and get all fancy y'know but you'll feel NOWHERE! without that one person that matters beside you. and when with that one person, you'd feel you're already EVERYWHERE! cuz anywhere won't make a difference anymore. haaaaaaaaa deep kan? that is:
how valuable love is and how invaluable everything else gets.
i remembered my last days in malaysia. i was spending time with my ex in...in Central Market. ha. ha. tak. ada. kerja. (the last place on earth i'd want to go) but it was definitely, ya Allah, the best moments ever and you don't want it to end. SubhanAllah Rabbi,
it taught me love. it taught me to want to love You like that.
even more than that if possible. so unconditional. so pure. beautiful..
...........
Woooii banyaknya berdrama harini. herher. first mood of writing was like that. now by its ending dah well like this pula hmmm bueheh so nope i don't sleep very much on beds i prefer the floor more. dunno where i got it. vacationing best laa koot insyaAllah dgn suami i suatu hari yang indah nanti bahahhaa. and no...CM wasn't that blissful as how it sounded pfft---tolong lah faham--bila i berdrama! segalanya extravaganza! ha.ha.ha.
